Afraid of choosing a conscious partner?

Many people are afraid to be fully seen by a conscious partner, because they project their fears (which were created from experiences of unconscious relationships) onto the new conscious person. If you don't know what unconditional love in action looks like, leaning in can be terrifying...


A conscious relationship is going to bring your unhealed parts to the surface.... and then love you through them! (This is the awesome part that our ego forgets). It's about allowing yourself to be witnessed with love as those fears arise and to experience the relief on the other side of that courage.


Staying in your comfort zone feels easier in the short term... but choosing unconscious love, running away, sabotaging a beautiful gift will only bring pain in the long run.


If you are used to old paradigm relationships where love is about meeting their needs or being shamed and blamed, where all of your being is not safe to express itself, where the relationship becomes a stage for both your internal dramas to play out without awareness of how we might be affecting the one we love... And especially if your previous relationship partners have been controlling, emotionally unavailable, betrayed you or there was abuse... It can feel safer to stick with what we know (and maybe even what we feel we 'deserve') But if what you know from experience isn't what you want to experience, you get to do something differently!


If you find yourself connecting with someone that appears to have the qualities you desire, that is:

  • kind

  • responsive

  • emotionally available

  • self aware

  • feels safe

  • a good communicator

  • is able to hold their own (not dependent on you for happiness)

  • supports you towards your highest potential

  • wants to truly understand you in order to love you better ...


...the task at hand is to be willing to look at this person as they are, not as you think you are (all your insecurities) and not as other people have been in the past.


Can you be present during your interactions and notice if this person truly embodies integrity?


Because if they do, a person with integrity won't be able to do to you what people in the past have done to you, because treating you poorly would go against every one of their values which they have cultivated and express consistently in their actions.


That would be betraying themselves and a person with deep integrity holds themselves to their internal standards for themselves, honours themselves, and so they will mirror that respect back by default.


As you curiously observe this new conscious person you will see signs that they won't handle conflict in the ways you've been conditioned to reflect.


With a conscious partner you'll have an open invitation to share your fears, feelings and needs, because none of you being you is a 'problem'.


If something you say is painful for them they won't blame you, they'll say 'that really hurt...' and then 'what can we do going forward that is good for both of us?'


There are blessings in choosing a conscious partner that you might have never experienced before.


Have the courage to choose love over fear.


You deserve it.

©2020 by Bobby-Jo Dearnley.