It's not your responsibility to save others

I used to spend my time running about solving other people in my life's problems as if it was my full time job.


It's beautiful and admirable to spread love to others... and imbalanced giving where are are not considering our own emotional health is a sign of seeking approval to feel worthy of love, or focusing on others' challenges to avoid facing our own demons and can lead to physical burnout, resentment and disconnection from our sacred relationship to ourselves.


You deserve time for self care and to receive love and support in return too,


Especially if you identify with being a highly sensitive person , a big life lesson might be discerning who to spend your energy on, when to set boundaries and who to walk away from.


You might want to...


Walk away from:

  • Those that consistently show a lack of appreciation

  • Those you don't feel respected by

  • Those that rarely give support in return (sometimes we forget to actually ask for support so it's helpful to check you have communicated your feelings clearly before concluding that the other person wouldn't be there! Sometimes our loved ones also have a reason why they can't be there e.g. illness or being a busy parent and we feel okay with staying connected + adjusting expectations.)

  • Those that show red flags of narcissism - those that don't pass kindness onto others in return - those that harm your mental health


Set boundaries when:

  • You feel your energy levels running low emotionally or physically- it's time take a break to practice self care. Allowing yourself to rest is actually compassionate as it supercharges the value of your giving! Your deep presence is the ultimate gift to others.

  • You recognise you would feel resentful if the person didn't return the favour

  • The other person has shown they care but are unable to be there for you e.g. due to mental health or a stressful work situation and if you are deeply honest with yourself you would feel hurt if they didn't reciprocate

  • At the first sign of anger or resentment towards the person

  • When your body intuitively says 'no!'

  • When helping the other person would be enabling - helping them avoid the consequences of their actions/preventing them from growing by learning from experience.


By treating yourself as an equal to others by also acknowledging you are deserving of receiving love in return and taking time for yourself, you teach others to respect your limits and therefore also the limits of others in their life.


Allowing yourself to receive is also a gift to the person that is giving. It doesn't feel good when somebody repeatedly turns us away when we offer our compassion (.e allow yourself to receive help and affection and absorb those compliments graciously!)


Love is infinite but our time, energy and resources are finite. By choosing with discernment who to spend our gifts on, we can amplify the power of our love: eg, giving to a narcissist will probably drain you and not lead to meaningful positive change, whereas giving to a person who is also highly compassionate will likely recharge them so that they offer more gifts to the world. A great example: a friend told me was how he supported a lady going through a deep depression and she went onto create a charity.


If you resonated with this message you are likely a deeply loving soul who has been undervaluing the gifts that you have to offer this world. If you step outside of yourself for a moment, can you see ways that you could spend your energy that would be more supportive of raising collective consciousness and that instead of draining you, would light you up?


©2020 by Bobby-Jo Dearnley.