The qualities of a highly conscious relationship (romantic)


  • Challenges us to rise up and meet our potential

  • Feels expansive and freeing

  • Safe place for you to be deeply honest and vulnerable

  • Lovingly calls you out when you're in your wounding

  • Supportive of your passions and goals

  • Mirrors back to us our light and shadow aspects

  • You feel held, heard, cherished as divine

  • Will help you to feel safe to share parts of yourself that you perhaps have never felt comfortable to reveal before. They will let you know that it's an honour to see you you in all your forms and moods, to be trusted with your vulnerabilities. They will accept you as an 'imperfect' person and still think you are amazing.

  • Is going to trigger you. When we accept that the purpose of relationships is to make us conscious, not happy, we suffer less. Your beloved is not here to save you or to meet your every need. (There may be a grief process to go through that our caregivers didn't give us the love we deserved, and that now is an adult it's our job to give to ourselves rather than expecting someone to rescue us from our feelings. A shift happens when we realise that taking responsibility for meeting our own needs is empowering! Choosing to take care of yourself doesn't mean that your partner can't also step up and be there for you, it just means that you have more options and you won't feel stranded and helpless when they don't.) Our partner will show us where our inner child is still asking for healing... But when they become aware that they've triggered us, they will drop into compassion. Your happiness is an inside job but a conscious partnership enhances and supports your joy.

  • Will endeavour to make your life easier. They will invite you share what would help you feel the most loved and show adaptability (within reason, honouring their own needs also). Sometimes they will need to say no to care for themselves and they will strive to create win win solutions

  • Will call you forward to your highest expression. They will see your gifts and encourage you to grow and pursue your dreams. Sometimes will also notice your blind spots and invite you to take accountability. This doesn't happen by blaming and shaming. Unlike unconscious relational dynamics, calling your partner out is done with so much love. We can gently raise a subject with empathy without trying to gain control of the other person's process e.g. "I've noticed that you did xyz (neutral description) - something felt a little off to me and I can't help but wonder whether you were making that choice out of fear? I don't want to project anything upon you so please let me know if I'm misreading the situation. I'm not blaming or criticising you in any way, I'd just really like to understand and to let you know that it's safe to share what's been going on for you".

  • Feels freeing. Your love is not here to control you - they focus on what is in their own control which is their own life and actions. Your love is not here to pressure you - they respect your emotional experience and free will. Your love is not here to manipulate you - they can express their own needs directly.Your love is not here to judge you - they know that all judgement of others is cloaked judgement of self and use triggers to turn within and work on their own healing. Your love is not here to hurt you - they see a partnership as a sacred thing and have not made the choice to be with you lightly...

In divine love, you can relax and open your heart. You can let your walls down. You can let your defensiveness go. You can stop people pleasing - your partner wants to see the real you and wants to be there for you. You can let your fear of conflict go. (Conscious conflict is often more of a heartfelt discussion, maybe a big cry and a hug).


Choose someone who is ready to offer these things, or who is 'ready to get ready' and release their fears, to walk alongside you with accountability as you figure things out together.

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