Things to say when you feel blamed during conflict:


  • "Even though we are disagreeing right now I know we are both doing the best we can from our perspectives. I'd really like us to be able to move from blame to understanding one another - that way we both win."

  • "I'm feeling a bit attacked right now which is making it hard to really listen - what can I do to help you feel safe so you can share in a way I can fully take in?"

  • "It feels like we've started to speak from our pain - can we bring the conversation back to a more compassionate place?"

  • "You must be feeling really hurt right now. I feel the same. Can we find a way to work through this as a team?"

  • "I hear a lot of pain behind your words and I want to be able to support you. What are you really afraid of?"