You are worthy just by existing

Some things that don't define your worthiness:

  • Your relationship status

  • Bank account

  • Reputation / image

  • Achievements

  • What your body looks like

  • How hard you work

  • Whether other people approve of your choices


Worthiness is not a quality you can achieve, because you are already worthy, unconditionally.


This idea that there is a scale of worthiness where you can be more or less worthy is an illusion.


Look at the animal kingdom. Animals don't go around asking themselves "Am I worthy now? Now?"


They just ask for/claim what they want and experience happiness.


My favourite role model for this is my cat Penny. Every day she comes in, meows loudly, rips up the armchair with her claws and demands a meal. If you leave a tasty plate unattended you will likely find her face in your dinner. When she wants love she plants herself on top of you. She wants, she asks. Simple. (yes, in human language we might want to make our requests more politely and with less entitlement )


We are all born knowing we are worthy ~ when we needed food or milk or care we cried in earnest. Thinking you don't deserve what you want is a product of conditioning by parents and society.


Figures in your life passed on a distorted template that ~they~ learned, whereby they taught you you were worthy or not worthy based on certain conditions. Each individual absorbed a unique 'conditional worthiness' template ~ doesn't that tell us there is nothing objective about their judgments?


Many people get confused about their worth when someone is unable to meet their needs. We perceive rejection and wonder 'is there something wrong with me?'


This is a misunderstanding.


Why might someone not give to us/choose us? We might not be a match to someone giving us their love or time, because it wouldn't be healthy for them or it would trigger them e.g. not being ready for deep intimacy. This doesn't mean we are not worthy of receiving the feeling of being loved that we were seeking in them.


If someone is not offering love to you that simply shows you that there is a neutral misalignment between the two of you (you are not on the same wavelength at this moment in time in some way). For example perhaps you have different value systems, different life priorities, different needs, they are emotionally unavailable or that person needs to conserve their energy to give to themselves during a difficult time and isn't able to offer much intimacy, quality time, resources during this life phase etc.


Sometimes we can also have unreasonable expectations for our relationships to meet every need or we may be unknowingly invading upon others' boundaries which leads them to back away. We could play out behaviours that cause harm to others that mean that it wouldn't be healthy to give us their energy. And this still doesn't make us unworthy ~ earning the privilege of another person's energy and worthiness are different. You as a soul are worthy ~ but your actions may limit the opportunities others want to grant us in order to care for their well being.


We get to grieve the relationships that didn't work out as hoped and come to accept with grace that we are not entitled to another's energy... But you are deserving of the core want behind these feelings ~ to feel loved, safe, supported, connected with.


If you act as if you don't believe you are worthy you are also likely to attract people with their own unworthiness wounds e.g. a narcissist or someone who is more on the avoidant side of the attachment scale who may not be the best person to support you in your journey to loving yourself more deeply.


As you heal, it becomes easier to spot and natural to walk away from unhealthy dynamics.

When we feel unworthy we are more likely to absorb other people's projections and internalise their judgments of us into self judgement ~ it is up to you and your responsibility to decide who gets access to you and how often on your self love adventure ♡ Who can ride with you will shift and change as your knowingness of your natural worthiness comes more and more online.


But worthiness is eternally yours to step up and claim it.