After experiencing a spiritual awakening around the beginning of my twenties, I began exploring meditation, eastern philosophy, esoteric topics, mindfulness etc. Shortly thereafter, I developed a life changing chronic illness (ME/CFS) which made me lose many aspects of my external identity such as the ability to work, exercise and even the ability to eat most foods and sometimes left me housebound. At my worst, I had recently gone through a break up and if I cried, I noticed I became too weak to be able to go outside and enjoy the fresh air the next day. I realised that if I was to have any chance of recovery I needed to bring my nervous system into a state of deep relaxation - for several months I spent hours each day in meditation, before beginning to slowly see positive shifts in my energy levels over time. It was though this extreme 'adverse' experience that I was invited to go deep inwards and learn so much about myself and the world and undo many fear based patterns and ways of thinking based on societal conditioning.
Throughout my unwellness experience, one aspect of my reality which became even more precious and was still available was my relationships, my connections to others. As I moved through my own inner work and observed the world around me, it dawned upon me how much collective trauma and unconsciousness there has been in the ways we relate to one another. Even within the spiritual community, those that have knowingly been 'on the path' for years were also sometimes not able to translate their spiritual knowledge into the way they showed up in their day to day relationships with others - especially romantic and familial relationships which can be some of the most intense and challenging!
As I examined my own wounded inner child, then-fearful avoidant attachment style, and dived into understanding the psychology that can sometimes end up being bypassed on the ascension path, I awakened to the value of learning what conscious relationships look and sound like in reality. I found myself by accident becoming a guide for those who knew themselves as spiritual beings but were looking for the answer to questions such as: ‘What does it look like to love this person in my situation?’, ‘I know what it’s like to be conscious when I’m alone but what does a highly conscious conversation actually sound like?’, ‘'How do I bring the energy of love into my communication when I’m triggered, when me and the other person are in conflict?’, 'How do I know whether to end a connection?', 'How do I date consciously?' and of course ‘How can I have a conscious relationship with myself? How can I honour myself and show up authentically, whilst being in the presence of others who may or may not be able to understand, empathise with, even respect me?’
Our global culture has carried so much heaviness and spiritual disconnection that all of us are called in one way or another to unlearn the fear based ways we have been taught to relate by our parents and society and discover something totally new. If you have been struggling with codependency, avoidance or any other pain-driven pattern related to human connection, it’s so understandable. You may have never seen examples of how loving, soul centred relationships can be... So many people have told me they had never seen a highly conscious couple before! How were we supposed to know how we can show up for ourselves or in our relationships from a spiritually evolved space or how to know how to respond to others in their unconscious or conscious expressions? (Sometimes meeting a highly conscious person can feel more scary and triggering if we are used to experiencing unconscious relationships!)
We are in the process collectively of understanding the ability of every relationship with others to hold up a mirror to our growth, to reflect back to us our healed and unhealed aspects - to support our joy or remind us of our unexamined pain. Many of the models we have been given of the spiritual path represent the archetype of the monk on the mountain, of self exploration done in silence and solitude. But what about relationship as a path to spiritual awakening? How can we be in the world and sharing space and intimacy with others without operating from ego? How can our connections with loved ones, community and the wider world teach us and deepen our practice of love and cultivating inner peace?
Our healing is in some ways, deeply individual: examining the specific memories, formative relationships, limiting beliefs, stored emotions and imprints that have disconnected us from our intuitive knowing and inner source of love. You are remembering how to love, and that you are love.
At certain phases in your journey your healing happens in a sacred cocoon and is about reclaiming your power - withdrawing the focus from the world and going within:
Should and need to's are banished. You validate yourself, all the parts of you that you have rejected or ignored. You notice the ways you have been blocking your own vision and you practice compassion for yourself as you learn that there are other ways of doing things - learning a different way of being or doing going forward. You realise how deep the suffering of others has gone and understand why caregivers, partners, and other emotionally significant people were not able to treat your inner child with the love you always deserved - and so you can no longer take that person’s actions past or present, personally for as long. You forgive yourself, and inwardly forgive others to release the past and set yourself free. You step away from people and things that are unsupportive of your wellbeing, and allow yourself to reclaim and get to know your soul’s voice once more. You build up your inner strength, ready to DO things differently.
After a cocoon phase, you move into your butterfly phase, extending yourself outward to others in the world. This time you relate to them differently - there is less judgement, criticism, anger, impulsiveness, wearing a mask, people pleasing, attachment or avoidance etc... and more empathy, authenticity, and openness. (If fear based expressions happen, you catch yourself quickly and repair. If another person’s fear based energies trigger you, you catch yourself more quickly, self soothe and set boundaries if needed). As you expand, you become so full of love that nothing else makes sense other than to extend it outward. Your more conscious relating will show up in so many ways and towards all kinds of people, from your beloved to a stranger on the street. (It’s okay to not be perfect, we are continually learning!) Loved ones will rise up with you, or their unconscious habits will bother you less and be easier to accept where they are, or some loved ones will fall away (and you become more at peace with that - you value your own company and new soul connections arrive).
Since awakening, you cycle through cocoon and butterfly as needed, moving through deeper layers of self examination and expansion.
The magic of shifting your reality has begun.
And as we heal, we support the shift in human consciousness to service.
As more and more healing (awakening) occurs, we will see humanity mainly spending energy on activities that are beneficial (or neutral) for other living beings.
Yes, this is possible and indeed already in motion.
As each generation releases certain fear based templates that were once societal norms, the generations presently on Earth are releasing our own fear based templates at a rapid rate. (Sometimes this has looked like momentary chaos, and has involved tragic loss of life - but this becomes less and less the case as our collective consciousness raises).
Your healing is not just something you do in isolation that affects only you - there are rippling effects upon the world around you.
Critical mass has been reached - planetary accession is in progress.