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What's my attachment style? 

Securely Attached 

Anxious Attachment (preoccupied)

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment 

Fearful Avoidant Attachment (disorganised)

Due to popular demand, here is a little section dedicated to helping you determine your attachment style! Our attachment styles are often created in childhood and go on to affect our adult relationships - not only romantically which tends to be the most studied, but they can also show up in the way we relate to friendships, business and even a stranger on the street! Healing our attachment trauma and moving towards secure attachment is a gift to both ourselves and everyone in our reality. 


You may have an insecure attachment style (anxious, fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant) and move towards secure attachment after a positive romantic relationship - or even building a supportive friendship circle could help you to move towards security, whereas an unhealthy relationship could lead you to become more insecurely attached.

Attachment is a spectrum and you can move around - becoming more or less anxious and/or more or less avoidant. Low anxiety and low avoidance is secure attachment, the way of being that causes the least suffering, and we can set an intention to embody. 


You can also have different attachment styles for romantic relationships and friendships. E.g. you could be a fearful avoidant style in romantic relationships but anxiously attached in friendships. 


Often people who are confused about their attachment style have a fearful avoidant attachment style, as this has qualities of both anxious and avoidant attachment but has some unique features and isn't simply 'a mix of both'. This is one way the attachment style information has been limited in the past - trying to find helpful information on healing fearful avoidant attachment style was very difficult when I first discovered attachment styles to heal my own so I am super passionate about this!)

Remember - attachment styles are simply a framework designed to help real human beings. Although many people will find they do resonate with one category when they understand attachment theory better, it is less important working out which category you fit in, and more valuable to take the information that helps you to grow. 

©2020 by Bobby-Jo Dearnley.